~JEALOUSY

HELL AND DAMNATION. I am jealous! ಠ益ಠ

Well…. I have to shamefully admit it. After all, I am a human being. This is perfectly normal, right? To feel these surge of emotions and to feel all aching inside because of the constant denying and rebuffing? Nevertheless, I am a pool of emotions right now.

“Oh life, you spoil me too much”

Jealousy. Jealousy. Jealousy? I once hated that sensation. For me, t’was nothing but mere pure guilt and shame. Something that “bad’ people feel, something that I SHOULDN’T feel. But now growing up, I start to appreciate being “jealous”. Philosophically, I think it’s a way to realize what you lack in life and what you want. And I think it impacts us in a good way, because after the DEPRESSION EPISODE wherein you gasps and choke for air, eat (specifically sweets ) till you break and then contemplate about the guilt after,you realize that you’ve been missing things out, and then you strive and work hard for it like there’s no tomorrow; actively participating in any chance to take it. And without you knowing, YOU, bit by bit is now growing to be an outstanding citizen : opening doors and opportunities, knocking on windows, handing out flyers, selling girl scout cookies and massaging your grandma for a few extra bucks. YES! You will do anything legal tasks to GET WHAT YOU WANT.

And then when you finally get it, it’s either two of things :

SCENARIO 1 : Hey ! This feels so GREAT! I feel so elated and enlightened. I’m glad I worked hard for this. ٩(^‿^)۶

SCENARIO 2 : What the FCK!? ╚(•⌂•)╝ Where’s the FCKING rainbows and the angels in chorus ?! I can’t believe I worked hard for what? FOR NOTHING! This is such a waste.

Either way, Scenario 1 or Scenario 2, it works out. The latter made you realize something far more valuable and inculcates a life lesson to you. DO NOT JUST DO WHAT YOU FCKING WANT. THINK ABOUT IT, MORON.

Anyways, let me get down to the core of the apple. The reason of the pang of guilt and the spark of jealousy in my heart? A book that I just finished reading o(╥﹏╥)o

HELL YEAH! Eat, Pray, Love baby ! Well I’ll be doing a book review anytime soon. Well as soon as I finish proofreading my review that is. Anyways, I love the book and I love the story, the characters, the humor. EVERYTHING.

So what was I jealous about? TRAVELING . INDONESIA, ITALY, INDIA. FCKING WAIT FOR ME THERE.

God Bless Brazilians !
— Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

 

 

 

SLICED AND EATEN ~

The issue about being an obsessive certified lazyass is the amount of work you need to catch up after spending the entire day dawdling away. The consequences are pressing, crushing and deadly. It’s like a humongous, mortifying wound that slowly builds up and eats your insides.  And …… ironically  : It’s YOUR fcking fault. 

“If I can make a page whenever I’m being lazy, I’m afraid the story will never end.”

Well, let’s see… here I am making a blog about laziness when the only thing I should be doing is reviewing for my quarterly exams tomorrow. But since I’m not in the “studying-mood” ( which I am most of the time ), I’ll compensate for the wasted utilized time by doing other things. Things that I’ll enjoy. And “can be productive and beneficial”. Ha ! I’ll doubt that. 😐  

A typical conversation :

A friend : Hey ! 🙂 How are you?

Me : Fine. Stressed. Alive.

Friend : Why? What are you doing? DX

Me : Reading a book.

Friend : Why is it that every time I chat with you, you’re reading? ): not healthy. You’ll die.

Me : …

Friend : Or the book will die. You trying to murder your books?!

Me : LOL ! that made my day C:

Anyways, loitering our time is a luxury for my ‘kin” (my classmates and graduating students who can relate). We barely have time to enjoy life anymore ( hobbies, etc. ). Not that I’m complaining. I’m about to graduate and I think that makes everything worthwhile. A piece of diploma and a white toga. Hmm. Full-pledged responsibilities then.

“Nevertheless, no matter how you look at it, a piece of paper is still a piece of paper. Used for wiping your ass and shits.”

I’m TIRED, DEPRESSED and WORN-OUT.

If I was an apple, I’m already very much EATEN that I am now down to my core.

If I was a pizza, I’m so SLICED to tiny little pieces right now that my peperoni would be uneatable.

Hah …. now you can’t blame if I’m soo lazy C:

Anyhow, I’ll pull an all-nighter and hope for the best. Let me not suffer the consequences and survive the fiery clasps of hell. ~ And despite of all this, a smile escapes my lips. SCARY.

 

 

A SLICE OF CAKE AND A CUP OF TEA: THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS

Well, this is a first for me. Blogging is certainly not my cup of tea and out of my expertise. Far-out from my comfort zone and definitely not one of my fortes. Far from being the heavenly slice of cake just within reach. =A=”

But for the sake of being here and for the discovery of new things: I would like to welcome myself and impose such a task to crappy ‘ol me. And that is : TRYING NEW THINGS OUT FOR THE SAKE OF TRYING NEW THINGS OUT . It may seem like hillbilly and a bunch of whatnots but yeah, you read it right, I’m doing this because of the fact that I am DOING THIS.

Spare me the idiocy of a first-timer.

So blogging? It comes from the portmanteau word which is “web log” and is basically a verb. It means “actively” posting on a web log page and blah blah blah (basically too long to type). Seriously, a definition and its part of speech? HO HO. All nifty and formal. Well, I beg to differ. This blog isn’t gonna be all formal and ironed in a tight suit. Quite the contrary, this blog will be random crap at most. Crap you don’t exactly care about ( might be and might not ) and bits and pieces of crap here and there that might/might not actually interest some of you. So more or less, this is a blog to please myself ( and to please you guys , IF I can manage and IF you want to be pleased- my way, “my style” C: )

It’s better to arrive in jeans and shirt in a formal party than to arrive naked and starkingly blunt

So… that concludes all. Let it be known that a cake tastes so heavenly sweet and yet so devilishly “guilt-full”. \o/ But ho! I’ll eat a cake any time of the day, anywhere.

Well enjoy this awesome picture of tea and a cake which is my title but gives nothing in relevance to what I wrote above. but hey ! it’s CAKE AND TEA ! and you know what that means : CaaaaAAKKEEeee and TEEEAAAAAAA!!! (picture edited : courtesy of GIMP \o/ )

“If I was made of cake I’d eat myself before somebody else could.”
―Emma Donoghue, Room